A poem for a colleague
You draw a name (the Dutch call it drawing lootjes, the office version of Secret Santa) and it belongs to someone you only talk to at the coffee machine. Or maybe even less. Still, a poem has to come, and it has to be fit for the office. That sounds harder than it is. A colleague does not know you inside out either, so the poem does not have to go deep. It mainly has to be warm, light and recognisable.
Start by observing
You know more than you think. Take a week to notice what this colleague does. Where does the person sit, what is on the desk, what do they drink and eat, which words keep coming back in meetings? Write down three or four things. You do not need more.
Feel free to ask around among people who know the colleague better, but keep it light. A question like "what is Mark actually a fan of?" does not stand out. You do not have to uncover secrets. You only want to know the topics that make the person happy themselves.
Safe topics
At the office the following themes almost always work:
- Coffee, tea and lunch habits. Everyone has a fixed routine.
- The desk: the plants, the mug, the cushion on the chair, the order or the chaos.
- Typical verbs and expressions, for instance someone who always says "quick call".
- Hobbies the colleague shares themselves: a marathon, a band, a vegetable garden.
- The department or team as a shared joke, such as the printer that has been difficult for years.
- The weather, the commute, the train. Everyone recognises it and nobody feels attacked.
An example, built on nothing but coffee and a stubborn printer:
Mark drinkt koffie van acht tot vijf, het is zijn trouwste tijdverdrijf. De printer weigert, maar Mark weet raad, hij tikt hem even aan, en het gaat.
Roughly: Mark drinks coffee from eight to five, it is his most faithful pastime. The printer refuses, but Mark knows what to do, he gives it a tap and it works.
There is nothing in it that exposes the person. Every line can be heard by the whole department.
What you had better leave alone at the office
The line is tighter at work than at home. Avoid:
- Performance, reviews, salary and promotions. Even a joke about them can hurt.
- Mistakes that had real consequences, such as a lost client or a failed project.
- Private life: relationships, children, health, money, appearance.
- Tension between colleagues, even if everyone knows about it.
- Naming others in a poem that is meant for one person. That causes awkwardness.
- Anything you would not say out loud if the manager were listening.
A good test is the question: would I say this in a meeting with everyone there? If not, it does not belong in the poem. There is more about gentler forms of teasing in teasing without hurting.
Keep it short
A short poem suits a colleague better. Two to three verses of four lines is enough. It is often read out during a break or at the end of a meeting, and nobody wants to listen for five minutes then. Write two sharp verses rather than four drawn-out ones.
Use couplets. They are the easiest to read aloud, even when you are nervous or the room is noisy. An overview of the schemes is in rhyme schemes.
The poem as an introduction
A good colleague poem does not have to be all teasing, it can also be a small introduction. In the closing verse, say something that shows you appreciate the person, even if you do not know them well. Think of: always the first to help, always a cheerful greeting, always patience with questions. That is what really surprises a colleague, because it shows that someone noticed.
Practical points
- Sign off as Sint and Piet, so that you stay anonymous. That makes the game more fun.
- Print it neatly on slightly sturdier paper.
- Check beforehand whether the poem will be read aloud or whether the recipient reads it themselves. A poem read silently can be a bit more personal.
- Read it aloud to yourself. If you stumble somewhere, the reader will stumble too.
If you cannot work it out, start in the writing studio with four sentences about your colleague's coffee, desk plant and diary. That is all you need to make a first couplet.