A poem for a surprise
A surprise (the Dutch tradition of a handmade disguise around a present, often a papier-mâché creation) is not about the present, but about the moment someone discovers what is inside. The poem is the chapter that comes before it. A good poem for a surprise builds tension, gives just enough clues to keep people guessing and makes the unwrapping feel like the end of a short story. This is how to go about it.
Poem and surprise tell one story
The surprise is the body, the poem is the voice. Things often go wrong because they were made separately. The poem is about the person, the surprise is about the craft project. Let them share the same theme instead. If you make a surprise in the shape of a building site because the recipient has been building a shed for years, you write a poem about blueprints, nails and unfinished plans.
So choose the theme first and write the poem afterwards. Everything in the poem may refer to the theme, including the headings or the rhyme words. That gives the whole thing coherence and makes the poem memorable.
Giving hints without giving it away
The recipient must have something to guess, otherwise the surprise falls flat. But it should not be impossible either. A good hint describes what the thing does or feels like, never what it is. Give three layers:
- A property. Big, soft, shiny, warm, fragrant.
- A use. When or where you need it.
- A relationship. Why it suits this person.
Start with the property, go via the use to the relationship and end with a clue about where it is. An example of such a build-up, without naming the present:
Het is groot en het is heel zacht, en het wacht op jou elke nacht. Kijk onder de stoel in de gang, daar wacht het al heel erg lang.
Roughly: It is big and it is very soft, and it waits for you every night. Look under the chair in the hall, it has been waiting there for a very long time.
The first two lines are a property and a use, the last two a place. The listener can keep guessing, and so can everyone else in the room. That is where the game is.
What you had better not mention
Avoid the name of the thing, the brand, the shop and the exact colour. Do not use a rhyme word either that gives the present away at once. Pay special attention to the rhyme words: they sit at the spot where the ear is extra alert, so never put a word there that betrays the present.
After writing, let someone who knows nothing read the poem and ask what they think the present is. If they guess it first time, your hints are too strong.
Building up to the unwrapping
A poem for a surprise needs an arc. Use three parts:
- The run-up. One or two verses about the person, funny and recognisable. The listener must feel at home first.
- The hints. Two verses that get more and more specific. This is where the tension is.
- The instruction. The closing verse says what the recipient has to do, for instance open the parcel, walk somewhere, look for something. This is the move from word to deed.
Do not end with a joke but with an instruction, so that something happens at the moment the voice stops.
Timing when reading aloud
Decide beforehand who reads and when. It is most effective if the recipient does not read but listens, while the present is already in view or visibly wrapped. Leave a short pause before the last verse. A silence of two seconds builds more tension than an extra line of text.
In the closing line, use the recipient's name. That makes it personal and signals that the poem is finished. It sounds pleasant when the name falls on the rhyme.
If the poem gets longer than the surprise
That often happens, and it is almost always a sign that you are trying to tell too much. Choose one goal per verse: a joke, a hint or a clue. Anything that does not belong can go. You can read more about the basics of such a build-up in the step-by-step plan for a Sinterklaas poem. And for the lines you open and close with, you will find examples in opening lines and closing lines.
If you want to work the poem out, start in the writing studio with your list of facts and let the hints grow in from there.